I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waitin' on the other side
It's the climb"
I’ll admit it…I’m a Miley Cyrus admirer. Not the kind that would camp out for tickets or anything, but she’s a cute girl with a lot of talent. We gained a great appreciation for the Disney Channel when I was in the hospital with the baby, and Hannah Montana was one of our favorite shows. (even the big boys!)
When I heard this song on the radio, I loved it. It is so apt…there will always be a mountain to climb, whether it’s a struggle or trial that we are experiencing, or simply the long difficult road to where we want to be. And we almost always want the mountain to just MOVE. Wouldn’t life be a lot easier if the mountains just jumped out of the way, or flattened themselves for our benefit?
But that’s not how mountains work. It would make the road much easier, but there would be nothing to see from what used to be the top. We’d still be right where we started, having gained nothing and without the lessons learned along the way.
This is my anthem today. On this day after Tuxedo Boy made me SO proud, I am feeling more blessed than ever before. I have made such tremendous progress with the depression and my self-esteem in the last few weeks. I visited with my counselor today and was telling her how excited I was that I had reached a place where I was feeling good, and confident. She was thrilled. And then she noted that this would be our last session, as she is going on an extended trip overseas.
I had known this when I contacted her. She is hoping to retire, and with this trip on the horizon, wasn’t taking on new patients. Somehow, though, she agreed to see me on a short term basis. I assured her that I was highly motivated to get better, and that I would fast track things.
I had no idea how quickly this would happen, or how good I would feel at this point. And frankly, I had all but put this deadline out of my mind. It was a tearful goodbye, and I cried for a long while after leaving her office.
Unlike the tears that I shed after our first session, these were tears of joy and gratitude. I would miss her and I would certainly miss her perceptions, but I am so incredibly thankful that I had this time with her. I know…I KNOW…that she was an answer to my prayers. I know that I was sent to her at just this time. I know that the progress we made was because there were three of us working on the issues.
I feel the presence of my Heavenly Father so near to me today. I feel His love and concern for me, and I can see His hand at work in the world around me. I see things falling into place everywhere that I look. I hear His voice telling me that things can happen for good…now that I am ready. I just had to get to where I needed to be in order for Him to start the processes that will help me to build the life that I want. I needed some time to process what had happened to me. I needed time to distance myself from the forces that were dragging me down. I needed some perspective.
Sadly, we will not always make it to the summit. There are times that we fall short of the goal, or are distracted from the path. Sometimes, we have to lose, or else the winning would not be so sweet. I wondered, this time, if I would be able to find my way up.
I was being hard on myself because months had gone by, and my outlook had not improved. My counselor assured me that it takes time to heal, and that we cannot expect ourselves to beat the depression overnight. “It ain’t about how fast I get there….”
I still do not know exactly what my life will look like a year from now. I just know that I can make the journey as long as I know that I am not alone. “It ain’t about what’s waiting on the other side…” I am just so thrilled to have survived this first leg of the journey, and to be ready to head into the next.
I want to remember this moment, the one in which I have reached the summit and am feeling strong and triumphant. I want to remember the view from the top, so that I can remind myself of what I’m working for if I ever find myself at the base of a mountain again. I can assure you that the vista before me is the most spectacular sight that I have seen in a long time. I can’t wait to get going.
See you on the other side!