Gambling that is GOOD for you!

I was fascinated by psychology in college…I was originally a psychology major…and although I pursued a career in the most opposite of fields, I am still mesmerized by the human mind. I learned so much in the few classes that I did get in, things that I have used in everyday life, raising children, and most certainly – dealing with others in the world!

One of the most interesting subjects that we covered is the reward systems that shape our behavior. It is so important to provide motivation for folks to behave in a manner that will be most beneficial for the society in the long run. Through poorly thought out plans, well meaning folks have set in place a variety of systems and programs that provide incentive for exactly the opposite. I could go on all day on THAT subject!

But let’s talk about gambling. Gambling is incredibly addictive simply because there is the hint of a reward for your efforts. It is not a guaranteed reward…rewarding every effort…because that would eventually grow old. The subject would tire of the reward, and the behavior would cease or taper off. (AND it would put any gambling establishments in serious danger of financial failure!) It is not a reward spaced at regular intervals, which again becomes repetitive and the activity loses it’s excitement.

It offers a reward that may or may not happen on the next roll…or the next turn of the wheel. Okay, if not THIS one, then the next, or the one after that. It is the randomness that makes it all the more exciting and addictive. We imagine that just ONE MORE will net us the prize. Or maybe two more…and before you know it, you have used all of your resources and the payoff is still not in sight.

(Then, just after you quit, some old lady with a cigarette in one hand and a drink in the other stumbles up to your machine, plops in a quarter, and wins YOUR prize!)

It’s called Random Reinforcement, and it is the most powerful of all reward systems. It creates a behavior that is nearly impossible to extinguish.

I am not a gambler. I am cheap, I am conservative, and I just can’t give up my money that easily! But I have my own gambling issues.

I have found an activity that has the same reward system…and is equally addictive. I contribute a block of time, and every so often, I am pleased to be blessed with a great treasure. The rush is incredible! And then no matter how long it took me to achieve that payoff, I am ready to invest that much more time to feel that again.

I’m talking about Family History research. I have dabbled a bit, and just when you think that the river of information has stilled and nearly become stagnant…something pops up out of the depths and you find yourself paddling to the next set of rapids.

I’ve had a great amount of success, all things considered. I have some incredible stories of how I have found information, and how the pieces all fit together so perfectly. I can tell you of the angel hands that I believe have been involved. That is the ultimate goal, to unite with family who have left this earth without completing their lifes’s work. To give them a place in our family tree and remember them. For them, my gambling addiction can be a beautiful thing.

My most recent obsession (should we call it that?) is the Washington Cemetery, the old graveyard that we visited with Hubby’s geocaching group. I am still haunted by the names that I saw there, and wanting to know their stories. I can’t imagine how they came to be so alone and neglected! I want someone to claim them, to share their ambitions and dreams.

My thought is that I could make a website for the graveyard, with a list of names. There are lists out there, but they are not complete! I checked my pictures against the list, and I found at least 27 names that were not on the original list. Maybe someone is looking for them! My hope is to spend some time there, and with the unofficial curator, a neighbor that has fallen in love with the graveyard and tries to take care of it. Maybe we can even flesh out some of the names with their stories.

I’ve started a spreadsheet with the pertinent data…I can cross reference it with any hits that I get on familysearch.org or ancestry.com…usgenweb, anywhere that I can find any data. I can post the information that my cousin, N, has given me. Screenshots of census data, obituaries, photos. I can hope that anyone who might be looking for these names will stumble across it. Maybe even give us more information.

Did I mention that I’m somewhat of an overachiever, too? I have big plans. I have grand ideas. We’ll see if I can find the time to “gamble” on making a connection. Wow. What a payoff that would be!!! N suggests that you spend 10 minutes a day on Family History, and see how much you can accomplish in that small amount of time. I think that I could do that.

Or…maybe stay up all night researching and organizing the data.

See what I mean? It’s compelling!

How is YOUR Family History coming along? What can you do in 10 minutes a day? Can you actually resist that urge to spend the time and maybe stumble across some big find????

It’s gambling that is good for you…and even better for your relatives!










(gravesite of Mary "Mollie" Hanley, and the photo of her parents (William Jackson Hanley and Mary Campbell Hanley that N found)

Learning waits for Maturation

When I was in college, I had a psychology professor that made a real impact on me. I remember almost every word that he said in class, I still quote him frequently. Interesting how someone can make such an impression on you. His name was Dr. Alvin Price, and he was smart, funny, and very well grounded. He wrote the book “101 Alternatives to Spanking”, and is a great inspiration to my own parenting methods.

I LOVED his class.

One of the first things that we did was to take a survey so that he could get a feel for who was in the class. There were many questions, but I only remember one. I really deliberated on this one. I wanted to make sure that I gave exactly what I meant, just in case I was ever held to my answer.

If there were only one food in heaven, what would you want it to be?

I choose potatoes. Maybe an odd choice, but I love potatoes! You can cook them in so many different ways, and they are nutritious and delicious. I’d say, the perfect food to eat forever. I had a roommate at the time that made killer hashbrowns from scratch, and that was probably on my mind, also.

So when he gets all of the surveys and goes through them, he notes that of the class of 250, the number one answer to this question was….potatoes! There were about 32 of us that answered Potatoes, and all but one of us was from Idaho. Um. That would be me.

He also talked about keeping his father’s mind working in his old age. Dr. Price had subscribed to a controversial magazine…anonymously…for his father. Then he would show up to visit on the day the magazine arrived, and he would argue with his dad. He was sure that this was what kept his father sentient.

He thought that it was sinful to laugh in the car. Something that he learned from his father, who did not allow giggling when they traveled.

He told a hilarious story about his daughters and coming of age. One of the younger ones noticed that her sister was growing hair in unusual places, and commented on it when they were bathing one day. The older sister immediately decided that they were too old to be showering together! The little one would torment her by singing, “Hairy, hairy!”

A family council was called, and the fuzzy sister insisted that they make it a family rule that no one could sing “Hairy hairy”.

The next week, the little sister would hum the tune without saying the words.

A family council was called. Fuzzy suggested that perhaps it be enacted that no one could even HUM “Hairy hairy”.

Little sister was not deterred. She would simply make the facial expressions and raise her eyebrows as if she were singing…or humming…”Hairy hairy”.

What came next? Of course, a family council was called! It then became illegal to even PRETEND to HUM “Hairy hairy”.

My boys love this story, which has been repeated throughout the years. Even my mother will hum “Hairy hairy” once in awhile and giggle.

I also learned a great deal about psychology, of course. The most notable thing that Dr. Price taught was that psychology could be used to explain away religion, if you really wanted to. And then he proceeded to show us how psychology was an extension of religion, and how to keep your faith while studying the subject. He was amazing.

But what I’ve been thinking about recently is that he taught us that learning waits for maturation. For instance, a child will not learn to read, to be pottie trained, etc, until they are mature enough physically to do so. You can try to push it, teach them around the clock…but they will not learn until it is time.

(incidentally, he said that a child is mature enough to read when they can reach over their head and grab the top of the opposite ear. Tux learned to read at 3.5, which I was not expecting. I forgot to test the arm theory! Musician refused to try to learn to read…he’s hilarious…and again, I forgot. My one last chance is Todd, and he gets his arm stretched over his head frequently!)

The reason that this is bouncing around my head is that all of a sudden, things are falling into place for me. So fast, in fact, that it makes me nervous. Or it would make me nervous, if I didn’t have that still small voice that is telling me, “I just had to wait until you were ready.”

I have worked towards my goals for some time now, and made such very little progress. Enough to keep me alive, keeping me working towards them, but that is it. It is only when I made a breakthrough inside that the outside world began to take notice.

I’m enjoying every minute of the now. I love how I feel, and the doors that are opening for me. I want to slow down the world so that I can savor every second. I know that the euphoria won’t last, but I’m hoping that the confidence will remain.

It makes me wonder if all of this would have happened sooner, if I had healed sooner? Did I hold myself back? And then I realize that the timing was perfect. Everything went as it was supposed to. You cannot rush these things, they take time.

You have to be ready for the learning!